Spiritual Summer Heat

The last few days have been intense in more ways than one.  The weather is extremely hot for starters and I can feel the heat rising up at times in my body.  Needless to say it became a question for self inquiry. 

What is this heat all about? I could see how Nature is programmed in such a mystical way. The seasons come forth as a natural process to help us keep abreast within and to help us to be preoccupied with our own natural processes ... to be in touch with the weather and move alongwith it, so to speak. Its a reminder to bring our focus back to where it belongs - within! In this blistering summer heat, I am reminded that all my trespasses can be burnt out, transformed and healed.  The more I release and allow, the more will be released and allowed.  The more I send forth my  uncertainties, doubts, fears, etc. to The Central Sun for purification, the more likely I am going to be having an uncomfortable physical experience but its not going to last forever because the magical monsoons will shower us with her blessings of water!  Its part of the 'heating' and healing experience. While it is said that magic comes with a price, I definitely believe miracles come with no price. No charge at all. Infact it's all 'loss' and yet its a winner. I loose all that is no more helpful to my life on the one hand and on the other I gain deeper perspectives and inner wisdom because of that 'loss', not to mention healing and transformation!

Since I was on a roll with the self inquiry, I took this opportunity to also sit with something else that has been nagging  me for a long time now. You see, when I watch the world on TV, there are certain places, people and environments that appear to be so familiar.  Its like I have been there, I feel I belong there, there's a taste of familiarity ... and yet, I have reasoned with myself, 'how is that possible?' I may 'see' and 'feel' the vibration of familiarity and belonging but how would I explain the present day setting? If I was actually there in some past life, it would have an older setting. Since I have never travelled the world in this lifetime, I have no memory or remembrances as such that could serve as an explanation. Not all parts of the world feel that way to me. There are also parts of the world that appear unfamiliar. In the last two days these thoughts have been coming and going in my mind and suddenly! .... !!!! comes an audacious thought from nowhere!!!

Is it entirely possible that I am perceiving something new that is beyond my usual frame of reference? Is it possible that I am beginning to understand what the 'unreal' really means? Is it all becoming more real for me? It feels now that this whole world and life as we see it (ancient, old, modern, new, present day, etc.) is completely part of the unreal dream. Is that why I can actually see the futility of my life just going round and round and keeps coming back to full circle - which I can see now is a point of inquiry - with the same old patterns arising and the same kind of people constantly showing up in my experience? Its all memories. There's no reality. That's why life feels so limited because we are in this realm of our minds which appears to have no door opening to a new life.  Everything appears to be recycled.  Even though technology seems to have made phenomenal progress on the one hand, on the other hand the old is all coming back (whether movies, songs, fashions, education, etc. etc.)and everyone is trying to give a 'new' spin to the old. I feel like we are in limbo.

Is that why I am sensing deeply an old familiarity about the world even though it has a seemingly new spin to it today?  Even interactions with people from other parts of the world seems so familiar and known?  The energy feels like energy that I have interacted and shared in previously.  Wow! what a mystery filled with an inner history, perhaps?

Ancient wisdom tells us that for us to move forward without pain and suffering is to live in the "NOW" COMPLETELY.  This needs deeper comprehension. This is not a New Age lingo. Its not easy to live in the moment.  To live in the moment means complete attention right here, right now, with not an inkling of the mind wandering anywhere. This means letting go all that is familiar and 'safe'.  This means breaking down boundaries where I needed keep them in order to protect myself.  This means to completely reverse my beliefs and to be open to complete change. It also means that I will need to evaluate how long I can keep up charades of pretending to be a part of something or someone just not to upset the apple cart or the known and familiar. It means doing my thing without the need for accolades and praise and recognition. This means forgetting the celebration of birthdays and anniversaries because those are days that make us feel extra special.  All attention is focussed on me and its the only time I can get people to do that!!!  This means building the foundations of something entirely new.  Can I do that?  I'm working on it. I have been working on this for many years now. In my mind there has never been another option. TO CHANGE IS TO CHANGE FROM WITHIN FIRST.

Today, for the first time ever, I felt like a very 'ancient' Soul. "I Am Unborn" says Nisargadatta Maharaj. Indeed, we all are. It's our purpose in life to come to that recognition and remembrance too.

Aum.

My Spiritual Milestones ~ I

Way back in 1996 when I encountered Buddhism and dived right into it with determination to learn about myself, the world, and my relationship with the world, I did'nt know that I was indeed opening a vast path of knowledge for myself. I was as committed as they come and even surprised myself with the fervor and passion I manifested in this 'project'. I surprised myself! Then in 2003 I came to a stagnant point, left the buddhist organisation and started a solo spiritual journey.  

It was at this time that I chanced upon a very very old copy of The Bhagavad Gita in my husband's temple.  It was a family heirloom. The pages were so old and the paper felt like they were going to disintegrate in my hands as I touched them. I opened the sacred Book randomly not having a clue what to expect. I had never ever read The Bhagavad Gita. I had heard stories of "The Ramayan" and also followed the televised series, but never read the Scripture itself. The first verse my eyes fell on was the one that propelled me into the reading and study of Hinduism.

Lord Krishna assures the seeker (paraphrasing) that when he dies and is reborn, the only thing he will ever carry over to his next birth is his spiritual knowledge. He will be placed in a family that will facilitate the continuation of his spiritual progress. This really was incredible and was such encouraging and heartening news indeed which proved to be the best motivator ever! The fact that nothing is going to be wasted just made my journey even more sweeter. A new learning was being gifted to me. I could'nt put down The Gita and loved every verse and the sheer experience of getting to know Lord Krishna and all that He was about was exhilirating. I just love him. Since then I have been a wannabe mystic and a spiritual enthusiast. I fell in love with Lord Krishna. I remember feeling I was being 'disloyal' to Jesus because I fell in love with The Buddha too earlier.  But as I took each step forward I began to learn that all are ONE. I was falling madly in love with different Aspects of Spirit. This was new information for me - one which I lapped up as licence to love freely all the great Masters who taught me something new. I understood it was important for me to stay committed to The Source. The form could change, but the Unchanging Source was the back of all these Aspects. It definitely makes no difference to them because they do not see any 'line' from where they 'stand'. They each saw 'me' as "One" with them individually and collectively.  

Paramhansa Yogananda, spiritual teacher and author of "Autobiography of a Yogi" advised (paraphrasing) that one should have a clear concept of what God means (to you) and then proceed from there in one's spiritual practice.  Until and unless one is clear about this, there will be a lot of uncertainties along the journey. 

The following verse pretty much nailed what God means to me. God was beginning to have a new Identity for me.  The Spirit was Everything and Everywhere. I could choose from any point, and I will find It.

"Still your mind in Me, still yourself in Me,

And without doubt you shall be united with Me,

Lord of Love, dwelling in your heart.

But if you cannot still your mind in Me,

Learn to do so through the practice of meditation.

If you lack the will for such self discipline,

Engage yourself in selfless service of all around you,

for selfless service can lead you at last to Me.

If you are unable to do even this,

Surrender yourself to Me in Love,

Receiving success and failure with equal calmness

As granted by Me."

~ The Bhagawad Gita"

Incredible indeed! What an awesome assurance. Be still. If you cannot be still, then keep aside time to meditate on me. If you lack discipline for meditation, then follow the path of selfless service. And if all else fails, just SURRENDER to Me!

However, one question was still to be answered. After all these years, my search ended two days ago! 

Aum

Coming up in my next blog will be "The Four Yogas".

The Storm

Yesterday, afternoon became black as night in New Delhi, India.  What started out as a dust storm ended up in utter destruction leaving us with no power supply for many, many hours long after the freak storm. When big rain drops started falling almost settling the dust, I found myself walking out and witnessing the weather change from a stifling hot day with the sun shining as brightly as ever to night almost by magic. Day just turned to night! I saw the lightening flashes and the trees swaying dangerously and stuff flying around from roof tops. I was so fascinated by it all never once thinking of the aftermath of such a storm. I just decided to 'BE' and witness my own feelings. Perhaps I felt this desire more strongly since I am becoming more and more at home in my 'elemental body' and the connection it has to all of the Earth plane.  The elements are represented in our chakras and though we live in a dream world, everything appears so real and misleading. I noticed how calm I became while the hailstones started pelting down (luckily I was'nt hurt by even one). I began to notice the shadowy outlines of the many trees in my colony and felt like I was in a story book. Everything seemed so surreal. The phrase "eye of the  storm" came to mind because that is exactly how this experience appeared. I got a metaphorical and pictorial view of what it is really like when we find ourselves in the middle of  life transforming and life changing situations and circumstances.  It's literally like the dark night of the soul. All you can do is be an observer and stay centered till the 'storm' passes.

And then you open your mind and see it all beginning to clear up. You're okay with it because something cleansing has taken place. Everything feels washed and new somewhere in your consciousness.

By the end of the day, just before midnight, a very old karmic issue resurfaced. I knew exactly how I was going to deal with it and put it to rest completely. Nature taught me generously today and I was deeply grateful for this experience.

There is always a rainbow after a storm as Light breaks into the dark clouds of change and transformation.

Aum

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/massive-storm-rain-hits-delhi-ncr/1/364513.html

The "In-betweens"

As I sit back and recall my life over the years and ponder on what shaped me as an individual, a personality, or whatever, I remember the countless times a 'weird' thought would pass through my mind regarding my relationship with the world, religion, universe, etc.  Some thoughts were so weird that I often wondered if it was just me 'becoming' a 'weirdo' and I would just suppress them.  Infact I suppressed them to such an extent that I lost my Self.

Looking back now I know that no, it was'nt me becoming anything (least of all a weirdo!) but those were me getting glimpses of my True Nature, my Eternal Existence.  Had I followed those thoughts they would have proved to be 'shapeshifters' I am sure ....  they would have also explained why I swung from one end of the pendulum to the other ...  everything was a mess of confusion - the outer and inner just did'nt seem to match up ... it drove me nuts, but this very mess I now call a holy mess because the very nature of questioning began to unlock my mind bit by bit.  

And here I Am living a Life of constant examination inviting every weird, out-of-this-world thought to show up and be welcomed as well as the ones which are hidden deep deep in the recesses of my consciousness waiting to be coaxed and loved back into existence ... into the world of Love.

The purpose of this world and the purpose of being in it now is to drop my beliefs about it and my attachments to it.  To be born again literally means to KNOW that in essence and in truth, I Am unborn in All That Is - no beginning, no end, no past, no future - instead it is like that blank space between thoughts, between the past and the future, between fear and love ... the 'in-between' of all things that is simply unexplainable.

 Aum

No Effort. No Striving.

My morning silence continues as I find my awareness widening and peace deepening. Today, I finally got clued on to the reality of "effortlessness".  It was still a mystery to me and I always thought I did understand it quite a bit, but apparently, I did'nt really.  Whenever I plan and try to take 'action' in doing something, it just never comes out right. In the moment decisions work out amazingly well for me.  I am having many such days now - perfect timing seems to become the theme running through time and space.

"No striving brings the Son to the Father.  No prayer and supplication can achieve it, for these things reside in the world of your creations and thus have nothing of Reality in them."

~ Jeshua Letters ~

This is a thought that keeps coming back to me one way or the other and I am always reminded to contemplate on these words of Jeshua again and again. It is the easy and most simplest things of life that seem unknown to us. We keep looking for complicated stuff to make new discoveries of ourselves. Its like all those contorted yoga positions people strive to master as an exhibition of the art, but all it takes to keep one going throughout the day are simple asanas, stretches and deep breathing!!! I remember  all the physical healing I have  received over the years without any medication whatsoever.  I never talked much about those things to anyone because I was experimenting with the Truth of who I Am and I wanted the experience to be a personal and sacred one. I simply surrendered to the greatest Physician of all - Spirit.  Healing happened with no effort.  All I had to do was be AWARE and keep dropping the false impressions and beliefs I had created in my life. As Jeshua is famously known for saying "go and sin no more". The presence of pain while it was there, was reminding me that there is more work ... keep going ...

And I am still keeping on going ....  I am in awe of Spirit.  

Aum

Breaking Free! Hallelulja!

Have you ever felt stuck in your life in a relationship(s) that bound you so bad that it suffocated you and you just felt totally and sickeningly helpless to break the ties that bound you to it?  And finally, when you do break free simply by a decision to not to be bullied ever again, the gush of relief that surges through you making the way possible for exactly that to happen is  simply indescribable and phenomenal.

In my life, I have someone biological who terrorized me by the very kind of person that she is, and has been, throughout my  entire life.  Completely breaking free from the manipulations and bullying has been a continuous struggle and an overwhelming task but this Easter, all ties that bound me psychologically just snapped one after the other simply by a decision I made to not be bullied, used or manipulated ever again no matter who it was.  Easter Monday drew to a close with that song of freedom in my heart.  No, the person did not disappear, from my life, but the bullying, the hurt and pain that person represents no longer can touch me anymore.

This song "HALLELULJA" mystically appeared in my email as an Easter blessing this morning from "The Golden Light Channel" almost like an affirmation and testimony to that personal freedom. All I could do was just cry buckets as I felt immense relief.  What could be more symbolic than this?  “Hallelulja” represents to me a complete resurrection, a personal rising from the ashes.  May the world be free from the chains that bind and may Peace enter the hearts of one and all.

Blessings of Peace. Blessed Be.

No One Needs To Wake Up But You!

Easter Sunday turned out to be so perfect. Unplanned and unexpected.  A couple of close friends spent the day with us and I have never spent a more chilled out and easy day than this.  I even got to talk with my very dear facebook friend Trish who has now become more like a sister to me, on skype and introduce my friends to her for the first time.  We all, including my husband, had a fun conversation with her. Everything about the day was so mystical and just flowed through in perfect love.  What a grand finale to the 40 days of Lenten observation.

I wondered on the eve of Easter how I would share all that I have observed and learned and re-learned during this phase. There was too much.  Many life changing events took place during this time not so much to me as it was to other people who are either my friends or well known to me.  I was given an opportunity to 'look' at the pictures in front of me at any given time and see where I figured, if indeed I still did.  And what I realised was that it didnt matter whether they happened to me or not - it was more about how I chose to flow with them in perfect acceptance and surrender for them and for me.

Recently, I deleted my facebook account. For many reasons it felt the perfect time to leave. My purpose for being on facebook was spiritual.  I wanted to meet other like minded people.  What I got instead was a lot more. I reaped gold with the meeting of amazing spiritual teachers like Mooji, Anita Moorjani, Jeff Foster, Jeff Brown, Byron Katie, Pema Chodron, Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Carolyn Myss and a few others.  It was simply awesome and I finally came to a place of a deeper understanding of what I really want to use as a path for my Remembrance of my True Identity.  I have been through so many processes over the years and the funny thing was, over the last 40 days, I was meeting many along the way who are where I was earlier.  My initial reaction was always to let them know this is not the real thing, but experience has taught me that each must walk his/her own path and learn it personally so that Remembrance happens according to his/her capacity and understanding. Today I found this wonderful sufi story which encapsulates my whole Journey of Spiritual Remembrance and this is very significant because this is how I have felt in a nutshell.  What a wonderfully short but profound story!!

CHANGE THE WORLD

Bayazid, a Sufi mystic, has written in his autobiography, “When I was young I thought and I said to God, and in all my prayers this was the base: ‘Give me energy so that I can change the whole world.’ Everybody looked wrong to me. I was a revolutionary and I wanted to change the face of the earth.

“When I became a little more mature I started praying: ‘This seems to be too much. Life is going out of my hands–almost half of my life is gone and I have not changed a single person, and the whole world is too much.’ So I said to God, ‘My family will be enough. Let me change my family.’

“And when I became old,” says Bayazid, “I realized that even the family is too much, and who am I to change them? Then I realized that if I can change myself that will be enough, more than enough. I prayed to God, ‘Now I have come to the right point. At least allow me to do this: I would like to change myself.’

“God replied, ‘Now there is no time left. This you should have asked in the beginning. Then there was a possibility.’”

Added to that is the wisdom of my very dear Spirit Friend, Crys Crystaqueous, who never fails to bring Light into my Life in such a realistic and natural way:

"Whenever I send out any material into the matter-maze of the Earth Play Divine- whether it be in the form of books, articles, blogs, and even speech- never am I thinking in terms of soliciting a response of any kind from any one at any time.  In fact it is my preference that I never receive any.  I simply share out from time to time for the sheer joy of doing so knowing full well that I am not here to educate, save, enlighten, or awaken any being or thing, for in My vision no such needy entities did ever or could ever actually exist.  The earth stage of so-called human activity is not real to Me.  It is the performance stage for My/Our Glorious Cosmic Play Lila.  In the Sole Reality of I AM never has there been a cause or reason to teach, heal, or campaign for peace etc., etc. There is no alternate reality existing!  Therefore, never do I seek or solicit dialog or debates of any kind from or with that which is called human consciousness as I see less than no reason to engage that which isn’t." ~(From the book “LIGHT” by Crystaqueous /January 2014)

And, finally from Jesus:

"You have been called to be a bearer of peace in this world of dreams.  There is a reason for this. You want to wake up from this world, and it is the only way. Do you understand this?  The only way for you to awaken is to awaken other.  And yet, no one needs to wake up but you. Think about this for a moment. No one needs to awaken but you. Why, then, do I say that you must give this to receive it? It is so simple. Because you are only giving to yourself. There is no one there but you to give or receive."  (Jeshua/The Art of Spiritual Peacemaking, Lesson One)

And that is what it is all about! Blessed Be!

~~~~~

Inner Softening

I quite enjoy blogging.  The reason I do is because it acts as an outlet for me to share what's within me in the travels of my consciousness without being pushy and in anyone's face. This way I feel totally free to share with no intention of starting up a debate or a discussion because there really is no need for one. Each path is unique and each must hear the music of his/her own Soul.

To me "Awakening" happens every day. Each morning I 'awake' to new possibilities and each day is a brand new one. Enlightenment, to me is about truly listening to the song of my soul and having the courage to own it and let the music of my heart be heard.  Living from my heart is enlightened living.

I woke up this morning with a brand new AWAKENING.  Yesterday I blogged about my intense distraction and confusion which changed during meditation.  For the rest of the day I wondered about it. Why should I have to have those kind of days in the first place? As I went backwards, I realised that in the final analysis of my own thinking, my unhappiness always came down to what someone else said to me, how someone behaved with me, or how I was treated, etc. etc. etc.  It always seems to come down to that.  I spent the last 24 hours meditating on these thoughts.

I got it!  I saw my Soul for its unique beauty.  The music is gentle and loving.  It is nurturing and uplifting.  My only reason for living is because there is nothing else to be but ALIVE! The flute plays on and dancer dances on.  What does it matter what the world teaches?  What does it matter what the world does?  Who lives in this barren world other than me?  When I close my eyes, this world is gone. No one exists. I cannot take anyone with me into my dream world!! Where does it all go?  When my eyes are closed in sleep I awake refreshed.  What happened?  Where did I go in my sleep?  Why do I wake up with Nature,  the songs of the birds and the light of the sun? None of Nature and Creation has any 'man' directing its course? Man wakes up to Nature - the Nature of Spirit!

A huge weight fell off my shoulders when I decided that I am no
longer a follower of any person, no matter who he or she is.  My Inner Voice is my Teacher.  Nature is my Teacher.  They are silent, yet filled with pure unadulterated life.  The sun shines every morning.  The moon shines every night.  All of Creation is in total bliss.  That, indeed is my teacher. Mountains are still and trees are solid. Clouds pass on by.  The sky is the roof and the ground is a resting place.

And so, as I mused along and randomly opened my favourite book "Prayers of the Cosmos" for a message for the day from Spirit, it was only but natural such a beautiful message would show up:

Jesus said: “Blessed are the gentle: 

they shall inherit the earth.

Healthy are those who have softened what is rigid within; 

they shall receive physical vigor and strength from the universe.” 

~ Prayers of The Cosmos ~

When you are feeling weak from the busyness of life, take a moment to breath in gentleness and breath out strength.  Feel what has become tight beginning to loosen.  Try visualizing a  favorite  place in nature that allows you to open up and receive from the bounty of Creation. Blessed Be.

Sacred Intimacy

Meditation clears cobwebs.  It takes away the confusion and muddiness that one is experiencing at any given time.  

Today I woke up with mixed feelings and emotions.  I am creating new pathways in my heart to embrace my True Identity with more and more confidence.  I am leaving behind a lot of unwanted stuff now.  I am releasing a lot of old stuff that is not needed in my heart, mind and spirit any longer. It is a lifetime process.  You are never done with this exercise. I am trying to stay with bare minimum.  Part of doing this process is that a lot of loneliness, longing and confusion begins to set in.  It is precisely why meditation is such a life saver.  This morning I distracted myself so much and kept disturbing my own meditation!!  Till I suddenly saw a visual of cobwebs which didn't go away till I paid attention to it. And it did'nt take me long to understand that, that was precisely why I needed to SIT down and within myself.  From somewhere within I heard myself instructing myself not to get up till I allowed myself to be sorted out by Spirit.  And I obeyed.  And the cobwebs of my mind got gently dusted away and I definitely felt a million times better.  

I got this deep sense of myself.  This small self that kept up with the self judgments never letting up.  This small self that I was directing my attention to unconsciously was convincing me that I cannot 'change' anything in life.  It always keeps coming back to the same place.  Till I finally started a self inquiry.  I stuck with it for a while and then I kind of beamed into a deeply hurt part of me that kept denying myself 'Sacred Intimacy'.  Its that intimacy that one lacks within but one mistakenly believes its on the outside.  Its that lack of self love that directs our other thoughts into pain and more pain.  I found myself letting go all world beliefs including the belief that all my problems stemmed from my childhood, etc. etc.

I asked myself how do I know this? (About source of all problems go back to childhood).  From world information, I answered.  

"Is that true?" asked the Silent Inner Questioner.

"I don't know" I answered.

"If you don't know" asked my SIQ (Silent Inner Questioner) then how can you be sure of all those emotions and feelings that you are experiencing to be true?

"I don't" I said.
"Then go back to the source of the self judgments" suggested my SIQ.
And as I went further and further into my questioning, clarity began to fill my mind and heart.

The floodgates opened.

"Sacred Intimacy" is what was deeply lacking. In that moment I knew how that affected the most important areas of my life starting with how authentically and genuinely do I love myself, this person, this form that appears to be 'here' for a purpose.  How deeply do I love the Self that is the back of my entire existence and my whole life experience?  I don't know all the answers, but I surrendered my lack and pain to Spirit, The Source of All Goodness.  I sat silent for a long while.

After that I randomly opened my precious "Prayers of the Cosmos" and here's what came up for me as a huge acknowledgement from Spirit:

"Blessed are those in emotional turmoil,

 they shall be united inside by love"

Love never fails those who long deeply for It.  Love never fails to change and turn the emotional turmoil of those who feel weak and in want from such longing into Itself.  When in emotional turmoil or unable to feel clearly any emotion, experiment with deep breathing.  Embrace all of what you feel and allow all emotions to wash through and through as though you were standing under a gentle waterfall.  Follow this flow back to its source and find there the spring from which all emotion arises.  At this source, consider what emotion has meaning for the moment, what action or non-action is important now.

Blessed Be.

Accepting My "Stuff" In Its Entirety.

LENT 2014 / DAY19

This morning I woke up with a lot of 'stuff' in my head. Lot of uncleared stuff. Stuff that still bothers me so much that I do not know how to be free of them. So as I sat down in my morning meditation, I allowed for everything to flow through - well, actually I was TRYING to allow for everything to flow through because certain 'stuff' was keeping me stuck on the monkey's stationary cycle - cycling and cycling and cycling away and going nowhere ... just peddling furiously on the stationary karmic bike!!

And then I remembered yesterday's wonderful "Release Meditation". I read my copy of it again and again. The repetition helped to ease out the restlessness in not being able to clear my 'stuff'. I continued to read :

I RECOGNIZE I AM HOLDING ONTO PAIN ABOUT ..........................

I RECOGNIZE THE TIME HAS COME TO RELEASE AND HEAL THIS PAIN. I ASK TO BE GUIDED TO THOUGHTS, PEOPLE, HABITS AND EVENTS WHICH WILL SUPPORT THIS RELEASE AND MY HEALING.

I ASK FOR THE STRENGTH TO FORGIVE THE PAST AND HOLD ONTO A VISION OF LIFE BLESSED WITH JOY AND PEACE.

There you go! the word "STRENGTH" gave me a shot in the arm. That's what I needed: STRENGTH!!! I was trying to be my own fixer. I was trying to fix this myself. No wonder!

I fell silent again. Then suddenly I felt guided to open randomly (after asking for the most appropriate guidance) my copy of "The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ". I opened up at the following:

"Behold, for every one to whom I speak has in him all the fires of God; but they are lying dead. The will is bridled by the flesh desires, and it brings not the ethers of the fires to vibrate into the light. Look, therefore, to your soul and note, Is not the light within you dark as night? There is no breath but Holy Breath that e'er can fan your fires of life into a living flame and make them light. And Holy Breath can raise the ethers of the fires to light in none but hearts of purity and love. Hear, then you men of Galilee, Make pure the heart, admit the Holy Breath, and then your bodies will be full of Light, and like a city on a hill, your light will shine afar, and thus your light may light the way for other men." ~ Chapter 107:30-36

Wow! Now for assimilation, understanding and integration. Every moment, if I am not guarded with what kind of energy and thoughts I am allowing into my mind, my reality will keep changing. It is difficult to stay focussed on The One True Reality - Spirit always. The happenings of the world pull us into its web constantly and sometimes it can become so intense, in a moment of lapse, we loose our light from our sight. We don't loose our Light actually - we loose SIGHT of our Light. And then there's a temporary eclipse of the soul.

I sat in surrendered silence, focussed on my breathing.

After a long while, I suddenly began to feel at ease. I felt at ease because I completely surrendered my 'stuff' to Spirit. I accepted that I'm totally incapable of handling my own 'stuff'. I accepted that I forget this every single day. I accepted that I need to not memorize this as a ritual, but to just sit in the cave of my heart and be in Its Presence within me and I will RE-MEMBER that I Am a Member of God's Holy Family and since I Am a 'member', I don't need to hang on to my 'stuff'.

Let it all go.

Leave it be.

Just be in TOTAL SURRENDER AND ACCEPTANCE.

ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE.

Just be in complete SURRENDERED ACCEPTANCE 

of letting Life play Itself out in the Holy Life & Breath of Spirit.

Don't wish for a better outcome.

Don't wish for happy moments.

Don't wish for loving moments.

Don't wish for forgiveness moments.

Don't wish that "I wish I had never gotten myself into this crap" moment.

JUST ACCEPT EVERYTHING 

EXACTLY AS IT IS.

ALL OF IT.

 EVERY SINGLE ANNOYING, IRRITATING, FRUSTRATING

 MOMENT OF IT.

After all, was this not my choice in my thoughts and beliefs?

Blessed Be.

Timelessness Within The Realm of Time

LENT 2014 DAY 5

Two questions emerged: My "fear of God" and "Timelessness".

Starting with my fear of God. This fact surfaced and bubbled up for questioning which was related to many habits formed in my life the most important of all being that I am undeserving of God.  Unconsciously this thought has dominated my whole existence depriving me of partaking in the full abundance of God's Table.  There was always a part of me that felt I was undeserving and in doing so have hurt my soul beyond measure.  I applaud everyone else's experience, but somewhere at the back of my mind, I think, I realised, that everyone has a right except me.  And so early this morning as I was releasing every bit of the fear I held for God and kept repeating the mantra, somewhere it suddenly changed from "I release the fear of God" to "I Am a Flower of God" and I did'nt even realise that change had happened so spontaneously. How marvelous indeed are the Divine Ways constantly working and living and moving and breathing within us.

My days are becoming more and more Grace filled.  The only teacher I am open to and learning from in these 40 days is from my Inner Master, Teacher and Guru - Jeshua a.k.a. Jesus. Jesus is not some magical being outside of me.  No! that is not so.  Jesus, the angels and all the holy beings are springing from my own consciousness, all reflections of The Divine shining through me as me.

It is incredibly satisfying to experience an ongoing inner dialogue and holy conversation with The Mystical Power within.  I am more and more convinced that everything in this life is reflective. My thoughts are constantly reflecting my changing reality. I always reconfirm this when choosing from decks of oracle cards.  What comes out as an answer to a question I hold is really and truly the reflection of my mind in that instant.  When I choose a card that has an  ominous message,it is because my mind was flooded with doubts and fear. There is no little or a lot of fear. There are no shades and grades of fear.  Either I am in Love or I am in fear.  Simple as that.  When I become aware of present thought reality showing up in the card I hold, I immediately center in, change my mind and choose again - and lo! and behold! an amazing message shows up!!  Its this dream self that is constantly choosing from this dream world, this holographic world. And "someone" is observing these choices - who is that "someone"?  Inquire. 

Last week, our clock stopped. We were two hours behind time, but

neither my husband nor I realised that. We actually thought we had a lot of time despite us doing so much, that we decided to do something we had not done in a long long time - sit by the plants, have tea and biscuits and talk about the philosophy of life which we used to do a lot in the past as our morning ritual.  We truly enjoyed that. Unfortunately, we got disrupted in our peace after that glorious leisure time when my husband realised the clock had stopped and infact he was now 'officially running late'!! Seriously?? When we understood what just happened we just burst out laughing at the wonderful lesson we were being taught about Timelessness and how only we can maintain that or allow ourselves to be disrupted by time. What a beautiful lesson on Timelessness for the day! That was last week but today I was reminded again by Jiddu Krishnamurthy.

Jiddu Krishnamurthy message in today's mail brought my attention back to timelessness today:

So the question is then: can what is be transformed immediately? Which means never allowing time to interfere. Are we coming together? Listen to this, you will find out, it is really simple. If we apply our mind we can solve anything, as has been done, they have been to the moon, built marvellous submarines, incredible things they have done. Here, psychologically we are so reluctant, so incapable, or have made ourselves incapable. So if you do not allow time, or never think in terms of time, then the fact is not - right? I wonder if you see this? Because we allow time the fact becomes important. If there is no time it is resolved. Suppose I died this second, there is no problem. You understand what I am saying? When I allow time I am afraid of death. I wonder if you understand all this? But if I live without time, which is an extraordinary thing if you go into it, psychologically, never. Time means accumulation - right? Time means remembrance, time means accumulating knowledge about oneself, all that involves time. But when there is no time at all, psychologically, there is nothing - you follow? You are capturing something? Are you understanding something? Please come on. - Krishnamurti, Brockwood Park 4th Public Talk 7th September 1980

Blessed Be.

Lent 2014 ~ Radical Transformation

The Christian 40 days of prayer and 'fasting' started yesterday. Over the years, each year presented different questions for me to explore. This year the word 'RADICAL' keeps coming to mind. And the first commandment "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" is rolling over and over in my mind.

Time for the most deepest and radical questions:

What does "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me" really mean? What does it mean to ME - not anyone else, not what my school catechism taught me, not what my childhood taught me, not what my parents, teachers, friends, aunties, uncles, cousins, neighbours, etc. taught me, or the world, or anyone .... simply what does it MEAN TO ME???

First off, to me personally it means EVERYTHING is GOD.

Secondly, how does this understanding translate to my daily living?

I have a full 40 days to deeply contemplate this question. I have a feeling I will have very few 'human' friends left after that. I am willing to take that chance. As Jesus says, you can't ride two donkeys at the same time. Its either God or the world.  The reason I say I wont have any 'human' friends left is simply because the more radical you get, the more crazy you sound to people, and the more 'people' find you boring and a joke!! Well, that is the deal after all.  Its a done deal. 

I'm going for the Gold. I'm going for God. 

The Secret Within

Sometimes when something really powerful happens so unexpectedly, it takes a few seconds to realize that it actually happened especially when it involves an inner break through, an opening, a change for which you have wanted all your life but seemed so far way and impossible.  That's what happened with me yesterday.  My mind expanded a bit more.  Its unexplainable.

Words are really inadequate to express certain inner happenings. It does not do justice. Perhaps, it is so because what happens within, must stay within for the experience to really, sink in, settle in, marinate and cook in the heavenly bliss and joy that gives the incredible fragrance and essence to the whole pot of love deep within.  Its like its a deep secret between you and your lover and when you and your lover are ready to share with the world, the time becomes automatically available and you won't even know that your Light is extending and expanding drawing you closer and closer to the inner and the outer.

End of rambling.

Soul Conversations

Lately my soul searchings have been going deeper and deeper.  I keep having conversations with myself about the awesomeness and the paradoxes of life.  I keep moving from one state to another and it feels safe to do so.  The fear of so many things has left me and more is out on its way. The second half of yesterday seemed to have  spontaneously gone into a reflective phase and I remembered all the people who are no longer connected with me.  I felt a sharp twinge of sadness and wished in my heart I had one more chance to tell them I love them no matter what transpired between us.  Ideally it would have been good to pick up the phone or write a note, but perhaps for the first time, it came so naturally to me to just let it all go and whatever my heart wanted to say to theirs, it would, without a single doubt, reach their hearts and they would know for sure. The play of Life goes beyond our small, limited understanding.  Every interaction - big or small - is significant.  Every Soul I meet is part of my greater growth and development and the learning always unfolds magnificently even if it appears harsh sometimes.  No matter what the tragedy - death, conflict, estrangement, betrayal, etc.- the same learning applies.  I see that now clearly.  Without that interaction then, I would'nt be 'here' now, whatever 'here' may mean at any given moment.

And then there are those deep, melting, heart and soul connections that just bring so much radiance and love into my life and they usually stay.  I have experienced close friends parting ways and coming back with a new consciousness that brings so much soul recognition, love and worthiness and we actually begin to 'see' each other differently.  That is still happening presently in my life.  I EMBRACE everything in the vastness of the Beingness that I Am.  And that includes everything.

A lovely quote from Anita Moorjani says it all so perfectly: "It was as though every moment held infinite possibilities, and where I was at that point in time was a culmination of every decision, every choice, and every thought of my entire life. My many fears and my great power had manifested as this disease."

My 'fear' causes me pain, but my Power?  "My Great Power" is just waiting to be unleashed and when I don't live in the Beauty and Radiance of my own Light, that Holy Gift turns inwards spoiling itself.  Wow!  God's Gifts are all mine.  Its upto me to truly and intimately SEE His Grace and FEEL Her Love.  How Incredible, Glorious, Mighty and Wonderful am I?  How can I not be?  I Am an Extension of God.  No matter what fearful experiences I have, my Soul will bring me back time and time again to this Remembrance of God's Power and Radiance within me.  And as unique as I Am, the same goes for every other Soul on this planet.  Blessed Be.

"Heaven is here.  There is nowhere else.  Heaven is now.  There is no other time." ~ A Course In Miracles

I Am!

Giving Trust A Chance!

Dear Beloved Self, Through out Life , (if one sits to meditate upon on it) one will find that there is a dominant label we hold for ourselves and live according to that label.  Whatever the label, they all eventually fall into two major labels: Love and Fear.  I am discovering various ways to be in Love. But I am also discovering how to embrace Fear/Dark as something I created and so no one can really remove the darkness/fear unless I am willing to do so myself.  Once I agree to remove and release a fear based thought and habit, I see how easy it is to leave the rest to the Holy Spirit/Source.  Once that is done, the rest just moves effortlessly.  To be in Love is to be in Light.  To be in Light means to lighten one's burden of all that is fearsome in our hearts and minds.  I get it.  I've got it a zillion times and yet I forget so often!!

Today I want to talk about a big hurdle I had imposed on myself: resistance. I am nursing my mother who is practically bed ridden with a hip surgery.  My mother and I have many lessons to learn in trust - trusting each other for starters.  I can see how mystically Life has placed us in a situation where everything we say and do at this point is based on complete trust with each other. If we didnt practice this throughout our lives, the Universe was offering yet another chance to start a new direction in our relationship. She needs to trust that I will take care of her with unconditional  commitment towards her healing and without dropping her down between the bed and wheelchair amongst other things.  I need to trust that I can do it!   I need to trust that it is not me but Spirit working through me.  I need to reign in my impatience and begin a path of deep listening and patience.  I am ready for it.  Till yesterday it was impossible for me to even go there.

Last night I decided to have a heart to heart with Spirit. Lesson 49 of "A Course In Miracles" kept turning in my head. "God's Voice speaks to me all through the day."   As Marianne Williamson says "There are no different categories of love.  There isn't one kind of love between a mother and a child, another between lovers, and another between friends.  The love that is real is the love that lies at the heart of all relationships.  That is the love of God and it does'nt change with form or circumstance." ~ excerpted from "Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles". I surrendered everything to God.  I asked God to watch over us and surround us with angels so that we may both be well rested to start fresh tomorrow with a new approach. Even though I know Spirit never leaves us a single moment, but me saying it made it a real request for help and renewal of my commitment to change.  I had been up since 3 a.m. and managed to take a shower only at night before going to bed.  I asked for a good start the next morning.

A New Day! This morning I heard my mother calling out.  She needed help with her morning routines.  As usual, as I started to help her, her every day angry dramas started.  I asked her to have some faith and trust and before I could finish my sentence, she hollered at me that she does have faith, but her feet were slipping on the floor and could'nt get on them.  Okay.  I checked the time.  It was 6 a.m. and not 3 a.m.!!  That was a good start! Suddenly I felt a surge of faith.  I did get a good night's sleep. I was not hollered up at 3 a.m.  Wow! something to work with now.  I closed my eyes briefly and asked God to direct me.  After that everything went like a dream.

I wore my neck collar because I do have a severe cervical problem.  And like a soldier went into the field!  I started a line of action I never got inspired to do earlier.

I began to recognize her deep fear.  I  recognized my own place in God's world.  I saw her in God's world too. I created a little sacred space on the dressing table which was in her direct vision.  I placed the photo of The Divine Mercy because she has faith in Jesus in that aspect.  I lit a candle, burned incense and switched on spiritual chants.  It suddenly changed the whole atmosphere in the bedroom.  Then I started communicating with her my next action in order for her to get mentally prepared.  I told her that I was lifting her up from the bed to the chair and even though her feet were slipping, she must have faith that I will take every care to not hurt her.  She did.  Suddenly she became very submissive and open to instructions.  Her mood changed. Everything started happening as if in a dream. I even took the opportunity to cut her hair as well. She wanted tea. She's addicted to tea. I bargained with her.  With every meal she eats, she will get a little tea.  She gives a lot of trouble to eat proper meals. She agreed. I served her breakfast.

As I cleaned her up and allowed her to do whatever she could do for herself and finally took that leap of faith with her right from the wheelchair back to the bed, she smiled and said thank you!!

She said THANK YOU!!  That's a first.

And I will keep listening to the Voice of God.  Thank you Dear Self.  I can speak to You because I Am as You created me.

The Gifts of The Present Moments

Yesterday, my very dear Friend Poonam visited us at home and she brought along so much of unbridled joy by just being herself.  Poonam is full of positivity and good will always sharing her love everywhere as she, like santa clause, offers precious little gifts for those she visits. She basks in the warmth  of the love that is being reciprocated and she relishes every moment of it through her vibrant enthusiasm and desire to give really tight hugs, taste the food being cooked, flopping on the sofa, laughing wildly and generally being the "Raunak", joy, radiance and excitement of her environment.

Later in the day, I accompanied her to visit another special friend of hers (she has many 'special' friends!) And that turned out to be unexpectedly life changing for me.

Her friend lives on the 17th floor in a 19 floor 'sky scraper' in Ghaziabad (Delhi's neighbouring state).  I loved her home.  It was beautiful and tastefully decorated.  She lives alone by choice.  I gasped when I entered her home, because instantly I was taken back to my own years of single living and my idea of an 'ideal' home for myself.  And this was as close as I could get to that memory. I suddenly felt myself in a 'time warp' and experienced a tinge of regret that I had harbored all these years of having to give up my independence.  I am re-married now and have been so for the last ten years but somewhere there seemed to still a linger a desire to go back to the so-called 'free spirit'.  I never dwelled much on it before, but this wonderful lady's home brought out an unexpressed wish and desire that I kept pushing away in the past right into the light of my consciousness. And suddenly, I snapped out of it! I came to a huge  realization!  I think my whole facial expression changed because later Poonam mentioned that I looked like I went into a trance for about 10 minutes!! 

OMG! in that moment in time, I  realized I would never, never, change what I have now for something of my past.  Yes, I would be open for new beginning and changes in the future  whatever  they may be, but the past is over and done with.  I felt such a rush of gratitude for my husband, my life, my home, all the joys of living I was experiencing each day alongwith occasional frustrations and irritations for situations brought on by myself totally.  I suddenly felt light and free.  Why was I carrying such a burden all this while?  I answered myself: simply because I could not see the expansiveness of this moment.  And as I walked over to her balcony and looked down the 17 floors, everyone looked so tiny and so far away on the ground. I kept looking down for quite a while till suddenly I heard Poonam asking from a few steps away from the balcony "what happened to your vertigo?" Another healing moment!  I then realised why Poonam was not standing near me and enjoying the view - she has a 'vertigo' problem just as I used to have!

I gasped again!! Another 'OMG'! left my lips - 'OMG! I am no longer afraid to look down from heights!!  Whereas my legs would just quiver and shake with so much fear in the past, there I was standing firmly rooted on the floor enjoying the view - up, down and all around!!  In my heart I felt, I just did a huge piece of releasing of past fears! The two awakening moments just blended into each other seamlessly.  I was no longer afraid to look at my past without regret.  I did'nt have to try to not be regretful.  I just kind of gradually came to that moment through the continuous inner work that is ongoing.  What a gift!  It came to me wrapped and unexpected and I accepted with  curiosity not knowing that, that visit would change my life! OMG!!  Plus I made a new friend!

I went back home and expressed my gratitude lavishly to my husband in the presence of Poonam and later privately as well.  I could see how much Pankaj appreciated that and then he responded in his mischievous and typically 'wise' way "We all need somebody, not just to love, but to fight with as well!  We need to know we are still alive"!  Ahem! that makes perfect sense to me in a very earthly way! :))

Lately, I discovered in my heart that my Present Moments are "Pre-Sent" moments - moments sent to me by my Soul to truly live out my inner creations and see the gifts in each experience and release all that 'spoils' the gift that is being offered to me.  What could be more freeing??!!

Now that, according to my new understanding, is being a "Free Spirit"!  As Meister Eckhart says, "If the only prayer you say in your life is 'Thank You', that would suffice".  I agree.  

Thank you! Aum.