Accepting My "Stuff" In Its Entirety.

LENT 2014 / DAY19

This morning I woke up with a lot of 'stuff' in my head. Lot of uncleared stuff. Stuff that still bothers me so much that I do not know how to be free of them. So as I sat down in my morning meditation, I allowed for everything to flow through - well, actually I was TRYING to allow for everything to flow through because certain 'stuff' was keeping me stuck on the monkey's stationary cycle - cycling and cycling and cycling away and going nowhere ... just peddling furiously on the stationary karmic bike!!

And then I remembered yesterday's wonderful "Release Meditation". I read my copy of it again and again. The repetition helped to ease out the restlessness in not being able to clear my 'stuff'. I continued to read :

I RECOGNIZE I AM HOLDING ONTO PAIN ABOUT ..........................

I RECOGNIZE THE TIME HAS COME TO RELEASE AND HEAL THIS PAIN. I ASK TO BE GUIDED TO THOUGHTS, PEOPLE, HABITS AND EVENTS WHICH WILL SUPPORT THIS RELEASE AND MY HEALING.

I ASK FOR THE STRENGTH TO FORGIVE THE PAST AND HOLD ONTO A VISION OF LIFE BLESSED WITH JOY AND PEACE.

There you go! the word "STRENGTH" gave me a shot in the arm. That's what I needed: STRENGTH!!! I was trying to be my own fixer. I was trying to fix this myself. No wonder!

I fell silent again. Then suddenly I felt guided to open randomly (after asking for the most appropriate guidance) my copy of "The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ". I opened up at the following:

"Behold, for every one to whom I speak has in him all the fires of God; but they are lying dead. The will is bridled by the flesh desires, and it brings not the ethers of the fires to vibrate into the light. Look, therefore, to your soul and note, Is not the light within you dark as night? There is no breath but Holy Breath that e'er can fan your fires of life into a living flame and make them light. And Holy Breath can raise the ethers of the fires to light in none but hearts of purity and love. Hear, then you men of Galilee, Make pure the heart, admit the Holy Breath, and then your bodies will be full of Light, and like a city on a hill, your light will shine afar, and thus your light may light the way for other men." ~ Chapter 107:30-36

Wow! Now for assimilation, understanding and integration. Every moment, if I am not guarded with what kind of energy and thoughts I am allowing into my mind, my reality will keep changing. It is difficult to stay focussed on The One True Reality - Spirit always. The happenings of the world pull us into its web constantly and sometimes it can become so intense, in a moment of lapse, we loose our light from our sight. We don't loose our Light actually - we loose SIGHT of our Light. And then there's a temporary eclipse of the soul.

I sat in surrendered silence, focussed on my breathing.

After a long while, I suddenly began to feel at ease. I felt at ease because I completely surrendered my 'stuff' to Spirit. I accepted that I'm totally incapable of handling my own 'stuff'. I accepted that I forget this every single day. I accepted that I need to not memorize this as a ritual, but to just sit in the cave of my heart and be in Its Presence within me and I will RE-MEMBER that I Am a Member of God's Holy Family and since I Am a 'member', I don't need to hang on to my 'stuff'.

Let it all go.

Leave it be.

Just be in TOTAL SURRENDER AND ACCEPTANCE.

ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE.

Just be in complete SURRENDERED ACCEPTANCE 

of letting Life play Itself out in the Holy Life & Breath of Spirit.

Don't wish for a better outcome.

Don't wish for happy moments.

Don't wish for loving moments.

Don't wish for forgiveness moments.

Don't wish that "I wish I had never gotten myself into this crap" moment.

JUST ACCEPT EVERYTHING 

EXACTLY AS IT IS.

ALL OF IT.

 EVERY SINGLE ANNOYING, IRRITATING, FRUSTRATING

 MOMENT OF IT.

After all, was this not my choice in my thoughts and beliefs?

Blessed Be.