Sacred Intimacy

Meditation clears cobwebs.  It takes away the confusion and muddiness that one is experiencing at any given time.  

Today I woke up with mixed feelings and emotions.  I am creating new pathways in my heart to embrace my True Identity with more and more confidence.  I am leaving behind a lot of unwanted stuff now.  I am releasing a lot of old stuff that is not needed in my heart, mind and spirit any longer. It is a lifetime process.  You are never done with this exercise. I am trying to stay with bare minimum.  Part of doing this process is that a lot of loneliness, longing and confusion begins to set in.  It is precisely why meditation is such a life saver.  This morning I distracted myself so much and kept disturbing my own meditation!!  Till I suddenly saw a visual of cobwebs which didn't go away till I paid attention to it. And it did'nt take me long to understand that, that was precisely why I needed to SIT down and within myself.  From somewhere within I heard myself instructing myself not to get up till I allowed myself to be sorted out by Spirit.  And I obeyed.  And the cobwebs of my mind got gently dusted away and I definitely felt a million times better.  

I got this deep sense of myself.  This small self that kept up with the self judgments never letting up.  This small self that I was directing my attention to unconsciously was convincing me that I cannot 'change' anything in life.  It always keeps coming back to the same place.  Till I finally started a self inquiry.  I stuck with it for a while and then I kind of beamed into a deeply hurt part of me that kept denying myself 'Sacred Intimacy'.  Its that intimacy that one lacks within but one mistakenly believes its on the outside.  Its that lack of self love that directs our other thoughts into pain and more pain.  I found myself letting go all world beliefs including the belief that all my problems stemmed from my childhood, etc. etc.

I asked myself how do I know this? (About source of all problems go back to childhood).  From world information, I answered.  

"Is that true?" asked the Silent Inner Questioner.

"I don't know" I answered.

"If you don't know" asked my SIQ (Silent Inner Questioner) then how can you be sure of all those emotions and feelings that you are experiencing to be true?

"I don't" I said.
"Then go back to the source of the self judgments" suggested my SIQ.
And as I went further and further into my questioning, clarity began to fill my mind and heart.

The floodgates opened.

"Sacred Intimacy" is what was deeply lacking. In that moment I knew how that affected the most important areas of my life starting with how authentically and genuinely do I love myself, this person, this form that appears to be 'here' for a purpose.  How deeply do I love the Self that is the back of my entire existence and my whole life experience?  I don't know all the answers, but I surrendered my lack and pain to Spirit, The Source of All Goodness.  I sat silent for a long while.

After that I randomly opened my precious "Prayers of the Cosmos" and here's what came up for me as a huge acknowledgement from Spirit:

"Blessed are those in emotional turmoil,

 they shall be united inside by love"

Love never fails those who long deeply for It.  Love never fails to change and turn the emotional turmoil of those who feel weak and in want from such longing into Itself.  When in emotional turmoil or unable to feel clearly any emotion, experiment with deep breathing.  Embrace all of what you feel and allow all emotions to wash through and through as though you were standing under a gentle waterfall.  Follow this flow back to its source and find there the spring from which all emotion arises.  At this source, consider what emotion has meaning for the moment, what action or non-action is important now.

Blessed Be.